As an adult, my irrational fears are not nightmares involving a boogyman but now center mainly around failure. It would take a long time to unpack just how the concept of failure has elevated in my mind to the same level as self-preservation. I know it is entirely irrational to consider failure a life or … More Remembering Rational
Maybe it was the black and purple cloak that looked like flames when she raised her arms. Maybe it was her proper elegance that made her evil smile more sinister. Maybe it was her voice, her power, her vengeance. Maybe it was a combination of all of those things, but one thing was for sure, … More The Stuff of Movies and Nightmares
These last several days I have been exploring the connection between Perfectionism, Anger, and Procrastination. For me, these three things are like notes in a musical triad that when played, sound dark, sinister, and depressing. As the days go on, I continue to poke holes in the lie of Perfectionism. I know that Perfectionism, for … More Somewhere to Hang Your Hat–Part 2
The habits I have, make me into the person I become for better or worse. One of my worst is procrastination. I have wrestled with this problem a significant portion of my life. It seems like I am always putting something off instead of doing it right away, especially if it is a task I … More Waiting to Climb a Mountain
I had finished reading The Boxcar Children a while ago and fell in love with each word. I felt very comfortable with the assignment of doing a book report. Glancing over the packet of possible projects I decided that I needed to choose one that would be fun, impressive, and easy to pull off. The … More Smelling Like a Rose, Guilty
Anger management. It is hard for me to read these words and not see the grimacing faces of Jack Nicholson and Adam Sandler butting heads. I never actually saw the movie, but the poster and trailers left an impression on me that society frowns on all forms of anger, even methods aimed at helping. Anger … More Anger Management
Often, I think of anger as a negative emotion, something to never express because it is taboo. And, yes, it is true a person can do horribly destructive things out of anger. When I suppress and internalize my anger, that is when it turns into hostility and destructive behavior. I know that if I act … More Mad As Hell…And I’m Going to Do Something About It
Have you ever locked horns with a four-year-old? I am not proud to admit that I do all the time. I am the Mom, the adult in the room for most of the day. I out-rank them and should know better than to get involved in petty squabbles. But, instead of rising above it and … More Let’s Talk About Anger
If I want to stop being a perfectionist, then who do I want to be? A pendulum swings back and forth in my mind as I consider this question. One side of the arc is rigid, controlled, dictatorial and fake…lacking freedom and drunk with power. The other side is just as terrifying: permissive, lazy, unstructured, … More So…Who Do I Want to Be?
This journey has led me to a few conclusions thus far—one, that perfection is not attainable. It is an ideal that I strive for, but will never reach. It has caused me to reassess what I deem valuable, in this case, can perfection add anything my life regarding value. I find myself standing at a … More A Fork in the Road
The first seven days of this series have explored three of the motivations that push me to pursue perfectionism. On some level, all of these motives result in conscious choices, and at the same time are woven into my subliminal thoughts. Somehow or another they have wound themselves around central pillars of my personality, like … More Somewhere to Hang Your Hat–Part 1
“Feel free to ask questions if you don’t understand.” All of my teachers spoke those words during every math lesson. I know the gesture was meant to make students feel safe and welcome to ask for help, but I never saw it that way. First grade stands out in my memory as a pivotal time … More The Silence of Fear and Shame
