As an adult, my irrational fears are not nightmares involving a boogyman but now center mainly around failure. It would take a long time to unpack just how the concept of failure has elevated in my mind to the same level as self-preservation. I know it is entirely irrational to consider failure a life or death situation, but I do understand how wanting to avoid it can be a form of self-preservation. If I fail, then they won’t like me…then I won’t like me. This circles back to the irrational beliefs that fuel the perfectionism machine in the first place: that I can be safe by controlling as much as possible, that my value comes from the approval of others, and that I’ll be fine so long as my skeletons stay locked in their closet.
What things are boiling down to is irrationality.
Irrationality motivates Perfectionism.
Achieving Perfectionism is attempted through irrationality.
Perfectionism is irrational.
No wonder I am angry, half of the things I allow myself to believe are crazy. I realize that I need some tools to combat these irrational thoughts and fears when they take hold of my otherwise rational mind.
It All Starts With Me
The only judgment that matters is the one I have of myself. I need to remember my purpose, and why I get out of bed in the morning. Each day I get to decide how I want to influence the world and those in it.
Trust My Intuition
I must remember what makes me tick and what I believe to be true about myself, even it is just a small thing. I get to honor the deepest parts of myself know that I am my greatest ally.
I will challenge myself to step out of my comfort zone because I know that doing so will create a fresh perspective. With a new view from which to see the world, I will be strengthened, emboldened, and more self-confident. I will empower myself because bravery forces me to face my fears head-on. I may find those concerns to be a lot smaller when I step out in courage.
Face the Music
I will have the resilience to stand in the spotlight and take what comes. There will be moments when people love me, and many times that people won’t. There will be times when I shine in brilliance and others where I fall square on my face. I will remember that I can’t learn without trial, difficulty, and failure. I will challenge myself to love myself even when I fail. I will develop a thick skin and tolerate being bad (failure) because I know that if I can’t stand that, then I’ll never do anything of great consequence.
Above everything else, I will stop thinking so much and just do something.