Anger management. It is hard for me to read these words and not see the grimacing faces of Jack Nicholson and Adam Sandler butting heads. I never actually saw the movie, but the poster and trailers left an impression on me that society frowns on all forms of anger, even methods aimed at helping. Anger … More Anger Management
Often, I think of anger as a negative emotion, something to never express because it is taboo. And, yes, it is true a person can do horribly destructive things out of anger. When I suppress and internalize my anger, that is when it turns into hostility and destructive behavior. I know that if I act … More Mad As Hell…And I’m Going to Do Something About It
Have you ever locked horns with a four-year-old? I am not proud to admit that I do all the time. I am the Mom, the adult in the room for most of the day. I out-rank them and should know better than to get involved in petty squabbles. But, instead of rising above it and … More Let’s Talk About Anger
If I want to stop being a perfectionist, then who do I want to be? A pendulum swings back and forth in my mind as I consider this question. One side of the arc is rigid, controlled, dictatorial and fake…lacking freedom and drunk with power. The other side is just as terrifying: permissive, lazy, unstructured, … More So…Who Do I Want to Be?
This journey has led me to a few conclusions thus far—one, that perfection is not attainable. It is an ideal that I strive for, but will never reach. It has caused me to reassess what I deem valuable, in this case, can perfection add anything my life regarding value. I find myself standing at a … More A Fork in the Road
The first seven days of this series have explored three of the motivations that push me to pursue perfectionism. On some level, all of these motives result in conscious choices, and at the same time are woven into my subliminal thoughts. Somehow or another they have wound themselves around central pillars of my personality, like … More Somewhere to Hang Your Hat–Part 1
“Feel free to ask questions if you don’t understand.” All of my teachers spoke those words during every math lesson. I know the gesture was meant to make students feel safe and welcome to ask for help, but I never saw it that way. First grade stands out in my memory as a pivotal time … More The Silence of Fear and Shame
What people think of me is critical. Often, I use the opinions of others as a barometer to know how I am doing in the world. I believe that someone who is not living inside my crazy brain must certainly have a more balanced objective perspective about who I am as a person than I … More My Value Comes From Me
Music lights me up. I love singing, dancing, being swept up in rhythm and melody. High school dances were a highlight of my secondary education experience. One dance, in particular, was especially fun because it was the one dance in the year where students were allowed to dress in beach-wear and island costumes, The South … More The Approval of Others Equals My Value
Yesterday, I presented the idea that the need for control is one of the reasons I seek perfection. I hide behind control out of self-preservation, safety, predictability, and success. This kind of security comes at a cost though. I may be immune to risk, but life is bland, lacking dynamics and adventure. My mother called … More Control is Fake
Worry gripped my heart as a child. My grandparents lived in a beautiful little town that sat down in a picturesque valley east of my hometown. The road to their house spilled over the side of volcanic rimrock and traced the curves of the hillside all the way to the bottom. Every time at the … More Control is Safe and Predictable.
I had heard about Enneagram for a while. Another way of understanding personality like Myers-Briggs, I reasoned. Always on a quest to understand myself better, personality questionnaires intrigued me. I often don’t trust my estimation of myself; I think I am too close to see myself for who I really am. I am more comfortable … More I’m a Perfectionist